When I'm Blue

Lynn
 

Just Breathe...there is a side of life that has taught and continues to teach me to breath, let go and move on.   Life...one to a customer.  One to live, one to give, one to share.  Becoming a mother has been a defining moment in my life each and every time I have experienced it.  When Cam was born I asked myself "Do you want to take care of someone for the rest of their life"? Now that I am here I ask myself "How do I make sure I am here to care for him the rest of his life".  As a parent of a child with Downs the big fear is that society will be mean to them.  That the lack of understanding from "Normal" people will in some way change him.  However, the reality is what is normal?  I tend to believe that Cam, and others with disabilities like his, are living the ideal life.  The normal so to speak.  The body is not here to act upon the mind and soul but the soul is to act upon the body . It is through this acting on the bodies part that creates movement for others and self.  Some of us choose to move backwards and others choose to move forward.  Some don't move for a while.  Eventually there is no choice but to move one direction or another.
A short 8 months ago I lost a great man in my life.  My father passed away on Thanksgiving day.  I remember sitting as a family surrounding him.  He had no personal belongings we were waiting for.  No materials from this life to have.  Nothing we felt he owed us.  We were, however, arm in arm with love.  Remembering his life.  His impact on us.  His soul truly acted upon the body and sent forth nothing but love and acceptance.  Staff came to the room in tears, how they would miss him.  They thanked us for his love and acceptance.  They love him...deeper than any love I have ever seen.  My father was a magnificent man.  A genuine and authentic individual that really did not care what others thought of him and in so doing he created an admiration that people just gravitated to him.  I live with the reality that I had one of the purest men as my father.  Pure in love.  Pure in spirit.  Pure in the Christlike love of all that was good.

My mother was the same. They were a perfect fit.  They struggled in this life and with each other of course.  Deep down though we all knew they were kindred souls.  I suppose sometimes the body showed up acting on the soul but that was all for good learning.  Entering this life takes great pain, and patience.  I witnessed my father as his spirit and soul shed its' mortal body.  It was painful to watch.  It was painful for him to experience.  I realized then that pain is required to created movement.  I think of the process of entering and leaving the body as a spirit and what great struggle there is in that. Coming into this life the body accepts and receives the spirit.  Upon exiting the pain is different.  The body longs to not shed the soul.  A union such as this has created such a love between body and soul.  They journey together has been great.  So how do I make sure I am here to take care of Cam through his entire life.  Well I have two options and

both I am not fond of.  Either he leave this life before me or I must leave this life before him.  Either way it would be a tearing like the soul from the body.  I feel this way about all my children.  The best I can do is build a union for Cam.  A union of others who love him and adore him and who would be tied to him as a body to a spirit.  He is on a great journey to be a tool to train the masters of this earth with love and acceptance. He attract others.   Like my father, people gravitate to him in life.  All Cam has are friends he has not met yet.  May the soul of the earth continue to recognize all that is good with life and rally to spread love....one soul at a time.  In order for it to be so, it must begin with me.

I think often of how my life had changed 5...almost 6....years ago.  It was unexpected and what I have come to realize is that life is about unexpected.  There have been continuous moments of unexpected long stories.  I have a ton of them.  All are great.  Some are sad...in the beginning...but eventually the light at the end of the tunnel is there and life is significantly better.  I suppose opportunities to stretch and grow always begins with pain and as I have stretched I have become more limber.  Yes..I am limber.  Emotionally and spiritually limber.  I can bend and stretch in ways I never thought I could or would for that matter.  I have met others  and situations who have put this to the test.  At times I have struggled with why people come and go...well some people anyway.  I think of those who have come, gone and some who have stayed in my life.  I am grateful for change. I am grateful for predictability and at the same time I am grateful for the status quo.  The more things change the more they stay the same.  

Life has given me travel, love, adventure, laughter, tears, worry and a vast majority of other gifts.  The greatest gift I would say life has given me is adventure.  Without it I would not have learned what I have.  Who I am and why I am here on this planet.  I am a radiant, inspiring, loving, beautiful woman of light.  My purpose is to bring forth healing through being a radiant, inspiring, loving, beautiful woman of light creating a world of abundance and individual worth to all God's creation through out all eternity.  And so it is!  Life has taught me this.  Adventure has brought this mantra forth for me. I am a healer. I healer of self.  A healer of love. A healer of innocence.  I am but a tool in this vast project of discovery and learning.  I have been used accordingly, whatever that has looked like for some people.  In essence I choose in to life and in to the grand plan to learn and grow. 

Now the adventure continues yet again.  Onto another stage of life that will bring life lessons so precious.  My only desire is to be open, learn quickly and to remember to give thanks for the season.

Espavo!