New Years Solutions not Resolutions

The new year has arrived.  It came in silent as a lamb with the intensity of a tiger. Like a baby being brought into existence with great anticipation and wonder of how it is going to look. What outcome will this new year have as it grows old like Father Time? I find it interesting that most I know have cursed the last year and look forward to this new one.  Almost as if the year itself has inflicted the trials, opportunities to stretch, and the issues of change and tribulations on those it has come in contact with. I guess I look at it slightly different.

I am so grateful for the previous year 2016.  I have had so many blessing bestowed upon me.  The blessing of struggling kids, the blessing of illness,the blessing of grand babies, the blessing of teens, the blessing of favorable job reviews, the blessing of financial challenges, the blessing of depression, the blessing of death, the blessing of change beyond measure.  You see what we experience is just news.  It is neither "good" or "bad" it is just news. The beauty of NEWS is I get to do with it what I will.  Sometimes I use the NEWS for excuses to be depressed, challenged, sad and hopeless.  Sometimes I use the NEWS as a motivator.  Of course, sometimes I rejoice in the NEWS.  How loved am I to have all this opportunity in one year?  Cam has taught me attitude of gratitude is the best possible tool for sorting our all this NEWS no matter what it looks like.

Believe me.... this kid has attitude.  He also has something else that I have learned is key to sorting my NEWS....absolutely no expectations.  I have been taught by this great child of mine that expectations only create limitations for me,  If I get NEWS and have an expectation then I put myself into a mode of being a victim. This is easily done for me in my NEWS of depression that keeps rewriting it's article upon my life every day.  I get a little frustrated with the lists of New Year Resolutions everyone makes.  See resolutions are like expectations.  I hear people say, I want to be healthy, skinny, rich, happy, loved, find love, exercise more, to quit smoking, spend more time with family, get more sleep....and the list goes on.  Oh how delusional all that we seek after.  Yes these are great things to WANT.....however, sometimes WANT does not create the outcome.  People miss their goals usually within the first 1-3 months of the new year then go onto being just as they ever were cursing the outcome of the old year in the end.  So here is a challenge.  Instead of new years resolutions how about new year solutions.  Techniques to create what we desire.  The only New Year Solution I deserve to have is to be a little better each day than I was the day before.  That simple.  If I am committed to just be better 110% then the ease in transition is extensive and great no matter how small or great the momentum.  I will create connections, love, growth and most of all change.  Perhaps change in my experience of the year 2017 that will not leave me bitter, just better..

 I  had an friend tell me that she prepared a lesson to teach and the class ended up teaching her the most.  She seemed disappointed that she may have negated her responsibility to uplift and teach as she felt that no one in her class that day got anything out of the lesson.  I informed her that sometimes teaching is about connection and without any words.  It was clear that she was delivering NEWS.  Educational NEWS about the spirit. NEWS about how things look in her life.  However, at the end of the lesson many remained to thank her for her contribution.  Some were in tears.  It was apparent that she taught with exactness and connected others.  This is what NEWS does.  Weather it be a death, a wedding, a birth, a change in status or a direct hit on information it connects....spirit to spirit and lighting all in whatever there is for their highest good.

So create connections in 2017.  Create momentum and create gratitude.  Create what Cam has created in the 7 years he has been here to deliver the Celestial NEWS of what matters....to strive to just be better than the previous day, previous moment.  One moment at a time....moment to moment....never stuck in expectation.  I can only desire that I can touch hearts and minds of those I come in contact with as he does, especially touching my own in that process  The world could use as much good NEWS as possible....be it...own it.....gift it....become it.

When I'm Blue

Lynn
 

Just Breathe...there is a side of life that has taught and continues to teach me to breath, let go and move on.   Life...one to a customer.  One to live, one to give, one to share.  Becoming a mother has been a defining moment in my life each and every time I have experienced it.  When Cam was born I asked myself "Do you want to take care of someone for the rest of their life"? Now that I am here I ask myself "How do I make sure I am here to care for him the rest of his life".  As a parent of a child with Downs the big fear is that society will be mean to them.  That the lack of understanding from "Normal" people will in some way change him.  However, the reality is what is normal?  I tend to believe that Cam, and others with disabilities like his, are living the ideal life.  The normal so to speak.  The body is not here to act upon the mind and soul but the soul is to act upon the body . It is through this acting on the bodies part that creates movement for others and self.  Some of us choose to move backwards and others choose to move forward.  Some don't move for a while.  Eventually there is no choice but to move one direction or another.
A short 8 months ago I lost a great man in my life.  My father passed away on Thanksgiving day.  I remember sitting as a family surrounding him.  He had no personal belongings we were waiting for.  No materials from this life to have.  Nothing we felt he owed us.  We were, however, arm in arm with love.  Remembering his life.  His impact on us.  His soul truly acted upon the body and sent forth nothing but love and acceptance.  Staff came to the room in tears, how they would miss him.  They thanked us for his love and acceptance.  They love him...deeper than any love I have ever seen.  My father was a magnificent man.  A genuine and authentic individual that really did not care what others thought of him and in so doing he created an admiration that people just gravitated to him.  I live with the reality that I had one of the purest men as my father.  Pure in love.  Pure in spirit.  Pure in the Christlike love of all that was good.

My mother was the same. They were a perfect fit.  They struggled in this life and with each other of course.  Deep down though we all knew they were kindred souls.  I suppose sometimes the body showed up acting on the soul but that was all for good learning.  Entering this life takes great pain, and patience.  I witnessed my father as his spirit and soul shed its' mortal body.  It was painful to watch.  It was painful for him to experience.  I realized then that pain is required to created movement.  I think of the process of entering and leaving the body as a spirit and what great struggle there is in that. Coming into this life the body accepts and receives the spirit.  Upon exiting the pain is different.  The body longs to not shed the soul.  A union such as this has created such a love between body and soul.  They journey together has been great.  So how do I make sure I am here to take care of Cam through his entire life.  Well I have two options and

both I am not fond of.  Either he leave this life before me or I must leave this life before him.  Either way it would be a tearing like the soul from the body.  I feel this way about all my children.  The best I can do is build a union for Cam.  A union of others who love him and adore him and who would be tied to him as a body to a spirit.  He is on a great journey to be a tool to train the masters of this earth with love and acceptance. He attract others.   Like my father, people gravitate to him in life.  All Cam has are friends he has not met yet.  May the soul of the earth continue to recognize all that is good with life and rally to spread love....one soul at a time.  In order for it to be so, it must begin with me.

I think often of how my life had changed 5...almost 6....years ago.  It was unexpected and what I have come to realize is that life is about unexpected.  There have been continuous moments of unexpected long stories.  I have a ton of them.  All are great.  Some are sad...in the beginning...but eventually the light at the end of the tunnel is there and life is significantly better.  I suppose opportunities to stretch and grow always begins with pain and as I have stretched I have become more limber.  Yes..I am limber.  Emotionally and spiritually limber.  I can bend and stretch in ways I never thought I could or would for that matter.  I have met others  and situations who have put this to the test.  At times I have struggled with why people come and go...well some people anyway.  I think of those who have come, gone and some who have stayed in my life.  I am grateful for change. I am grateful for predictability and at the same time I am grateful for the status quo.  The more things change the more they stay the same.  

Life has given me travel, love, adventure, laughter, tears, worry and a vast majority of other gifts.  The greatest gift I would say life has given me is adventure.  Without it I would not have learned what I have.  Who I am and why I am here on this planet.  I am a radiant, inspiring, loving, beautiful woman of light.  My purpose is to bring forth healing through being a radiant, inspiring, loving, beautiful woman of light creating a world of abundance and individual worth to all God's creation through out all eternity.  And so it is!  Life has taught me this.  Adventure has brought this mantra forth for me. I am a healer. I healer of self.  A healer of love. A healer of innocence.  I am but a tool in this vast project of discovery and learning.  I have been used accordingly, whatever that has looked like for some people.  In essence I choose in to life and in to the grand plan to learn and grow. 

Now the adventure continues yet again.  Onto another stage of life that will bring life lessons so precious.  My only desire is to be open, learn quickly and to remember to give thanks for the season.

Espavo!

Kindred Spirits

Cam's friend Carolyn

Kindred Spirits Unite

One of the best things about having a child like Cam is that where ever we go, we belong to a special club that everyone recognizes but not everyone belongs to.  Some are grateful they don't belong to this club, some are grateful to be part of it any way they can and yet others wish they had it so good.  I have experienced a magic take place in the meeting of two individuals that have Downs Syndrome.  It is almost like witnessing a reunion of sorts.  When Cam met Carolyn it was instant friendship.  Cam and Carolyn had a secret language that we could see but not speak.  Their eyes met and it was like welcoming back an old friend.  She fell in love with him and he was entranced by her.  It was astounding to see how they bonded immediately.  When it came time to leave Carolyn, Cam was not interested in going anywhere.  He was perfectly happy sitting on her lap and talking their secret talk with their eyes.  They laughed and giggled.  Carolyn adored cam and at one point asked if he was my husband...too cute.  I explained that he was my baby and she seemed to accept that without argument.  Tears filled my eyes as they hugged goodbye.  Every time Carolyn saw Cam she would tell me how cute he was.  How much she loved my baby.  She would ask if he was ok.  So genuine and authentic.  In January 2013 Carolyn passed away due to complications of pneumonia at the age of 52.  She touched our lives like  a breath of fresh air and it saddened me to know that one of the chosen peacemakers on earth had departed.  Death is not anything easy to explain to a person who does not have Downs Syndrome let alone a person who does.  Cam is not aware that she is gone.  All he knows is that when I show him this picture he signs "friend".  Forever and always....goodbye our "friend" til we meet again.

The Kids I haven't mentioned....that I love.

My family would not be complete if I did not mention the other children I have.  I was not lucky enough to have them by birth, but was lucky later in life to have them by marriage.  Korbin Markos and Kailey Markos are my step children.  That is only the description of how they fit logistically.  By all counts I consider them mine.  Korbin is an amazing boy.  Talented in anything athletic and mechanical that he comes in contact with. Korbin is a quiet boy.  A little shy, some would say.  He may not say much but his presence in a room speaks louder than any voice he could have.  He is admired by many and a hero to many more.  He just got his driving permit and I believe he will be the safest driver on the road. I am so very proud of him for his continued effort to progress in his sports and education.  Cam adores him and when Korbin is in the room, he is all Cam wants to kiss and love on.  Cam loves to sit next to him while he plays the Xbox and even will creep up and turn off the Xbox while Korbin is engaged, just to get his attention.  I can't wait for the day that Cam is following Korbin around, talking his ear off.....and insisting that they play. 

Kailey is our sensitive and compassionate girl.  She loves animals and anything that will love her in return.  She and Baylee are the best of friends...most days!  lol...Kailey is artistic and very creative.  She has a knack for creating the most amazing things out of very limited resourses.  Kailey cheerishes her family and thrives on family time.  She is often heard saying..."I'm bored"....this is only because she has an active and creative mind.  She is not a fan of the academic world.  She tolerates it but would rather be socializing, putting on plays, creating art and being active.  Don't get me wrong...she is a brilliant and bright girl but school bores her.  She is  a go getter and loves to be busy.  She  and Cam have a special relationship.  She is the one that wrestles and plays and entertains him.  She is often times found reading to him, chasing him, tickling him or just plain loving on him.

I am amiss that I have failed to include them until now.  They are such a huge part of my life and the life of Cam.  I love them dearly and just as much as if I had given birth to them myself. 

Happy Holidays

Tis the season to be jolly......I would tell you that the season should not be limited to the season of Christmas but the season of life itself.  I suggest that as we go through this Holiday Season 2011 that we take on the attitude of my toddler Cam.  His season of Jolly is every day of his life.  Year round, seven days a week 24 hours a day and then some.  What would it be like to have no gile, no judgement, unconditional love and a free ticket to happiness all the days of your life?  I often hear people say to me that they are sorry I have a disabled son.  Truth is the "normal" are the disabled. Funny how that works out.  I often watch Cam and find it astounding how he makes friends everywhere he goes.  He casually smiles and lights up the eyes of all he comes in contact with.  People are drawn to him with his infectious smile and puckered lips to kiss anything and everything in sight.  He is a lover of all, friend to many and source of joy to those who love him.  I suppose he is as Christlike as they come.  He is the image and countenance of Christ and it is awesome to have that likeness in my life not only this holiday season but every waking moment.  Cam is my hero.  He lives his life in a constant moment of truth. 

My family wishes you and yours the best possible "Jolly Season" this year and the year of 2012.

My Favorite Kids!

I have the best kids in the world.  Well.... my world anyway.  There is my oldest daughter, Amber, who is so determined and focused on her life and making it a success.  Then my number 1 son, Weston, who has a genuine, authentic energy that penetrates the heart like no other.  Baylee...my youngest daughter who is my grounding force and light at the end of a miserable tunnel the last five years.  Finally Mr. Cam, who brings a world of peace, love and joy with a touch of angelic proportions.  I can't help but feel that being with Cam is like being in the presence of God Himself.  If you could imagine for a minute what it would be like to be around people who are determine, focused, authentic, genuine, grounding and a true example of God then you would agree with me that it is heaven on earth for me to be with my children.  There is no other place I would rather be.  Something that is even more overwhelming is the fact that I have been entrusted to be the mother of such incredible children.  I thank God every day for these blessing I call my children.  They are not only good to me but to each other.  I often wonder how I have been so lucky to have them.  Then I realize how much I am loved by something higher.  Something more powerful to give me such blessings to carry me through this journey of life. Let the blessings flow.

A Creed For Babies With Down Syndrome:

My face may be different
But my feelings the same
I laugh and I cry
And I take pride in my gains
I was sent here among you
To teach you to love
As god in heavens
Looks down from above
To him I’m no different’
His love knows no bounds
It’s those here among you
In cities and towns
That judge me by standards
That man has imparted
But this family I’ve chosen
Will help me get started
For I’m one of the children
So special and few
That came here to learn
The same lessons as you
That love is acceptance
It must come from the heart
We all have the same purpose
Though not the same start
The Lord gave me life
To live and embrace
And I’ll do as you do
But at my own pace

Update

Down Syndrome with bless 1 in 800 births this year.

And what a blessing it has been. Cam is now 17 months old and so full of love and joy. He is learning to walk and is so proud of himself every step he takes. I have had the blessing of sharing Cam with the world and seeing how people light up when he enters the room. I spent the day at Paul Mitchell Beauty School with Amber this week. I had all I could do to keep track of Cam and who had a hold of him next. He brought out such love and joy and inner child of all that he came in touch with.

While we where there Amber transformed Weston for her school project. She did an amazing job and I am so proud of the woman she has become. Thank you Paul Mitchell in Provo for educating Amber and for loving Cam.

The trip of a lifetime.....

I want to share with you an adventure I took to Missouri with three of my four children to visit my father. A little while ago my father had experienced a few strokes. I decided NOW was the best time to take the kids to visit and introduce him to Cam. Our adventure started with a long drive (24 hours). We were exhausted but grateful to be there.

I had discovered over the course of the last few weeks that my father had changed. His memory was lacking. He had lost a lot of weight and he all of a sudden looked worn and old to me. I had always known my father to be a strong, handsome and a wise man. I always thought of him as a "know everything about anything" kind of guy. Suddenly, with the course of illness, age and dementia that had all changed for me and for him. I was somewhat taken aback by the change. Non the less, it did pose some bitter sweet moments between us. I recall a phone conversation I had with my father about Cam. My father told me he had been learning about "the syndrome". He mentioned that he wanted to be prepared for Cam and know what to expect. I thought this to be quite honorable that he was open to being informed and not being stuck in preconditioned notions that society had advocated. The conversation went somewhat like this:

DAD: Honey, your cousin Joanne has been teaching me about "the syndrome"

ME: Good Dad. There is a lot to learn.

DAD: Yea, ya know, after learning about it I think my problem is that I have "the syndrome"

ME: (giggling under my breath)...Well Dad, people are generally born with Down Syndrome. It is genetic not contagious.

DAD: Well I think I have it.

ME: Well then you and Cam shall get along favorably then.

This was a bitter sweet moment for me. While I found some vague cute humor in his concern that he may have contracted Down Syndrome, I was saddened that my very intelligent father was reduced to this vague way of thinking. I knew at some point in his life he knew better, and was saddened that he was reduced to the intellect of a child.

My father has lived a very long life. One full of love, children and lots of great memories. However, he is no stranger to loss, disappointment and heartache. He has had many opportunities in life to stretch and grow. He has never quite been the same after my mother passed 13 years ago....then followed by a brother passing 2 years later. Those events are actual events I recognized that changed him. Not necessarily for the better or worse, just changed him, as it did all of us.

Cam and Dad meet for the first time and it is as if they have been long lost friends searching the earth for each other. My father says to Cam, "You are like a bag of sugar with a little bit of spice". I got emotional to think that such love radiated from my father to my son. Such unconditional love that they accepted each other. My father accepted Cam for his disabilities and Cam accepted my father for his. Love permeated the room every moment they were together. I had been told that you can see people literally transform when they hold a baby with a disability like Cam's. I have seen it numerous times. I suppose in Cam's way he is here to shift the world, one family member at a time....I am so glad to be witness to it and marvel in his ability to do so.

We had a fabulous visit with my family. My father held Cam every chance he had. He rocked him and loved him. I could not have asked for anything more that pure love and that is what Cam got. I little bit of heaven in a home in Missouri....

Committed to being the change I want to see in the world....through the lives of my children. AMEN!