I want to share with you an adventure I took to Missouri with three of my four children to visit my father. A little while ago my father had experienced a few strokes. I decided NOW was the best time to take the kids to visit and introduce him to Cam. Our adventure started with a long drive (24 hours). We were exhausted but grateful to be there.
I had discovered over the course of the last few weeks that my father had changed. His memory was lacking. He had lost a lot of weight and he all of a sudden looked worn and old to me. I had always known my father to be a strong, handsome and a wise man. I always thought of him as a "know everything about anything" kind of guy. Suddenly, with the course of illness, age and dementia that had all changed for me and for him. I was somewhat taken aback by the change. Non the less, it did pose some bitter sweet moments between us. I recall a phone conversation I had with my father about Cam. My father told me he had been learning about "the syndrome". He mentioned that he wanted to be prepared for Cam and know what to expect. I thought this to be quite honorable that he was open to being informed and not being stuck in preconditioned notions that society had advocated. The conversation went somewhat like this:
DAD: Honey, your cousin Joanne has been teaching me about "the syndrome"
ME: Good Dad. There is a lot to learn.
DAD: Yea, ya know, after learning about it I think my problem is that I have "the syndrome"
ME: (giggling under my breath)...Well Dad, people are generally born with Down Syndrome. It is genetic not contagious.
DAD: Well I think I have it.
ME: Well then you and Cam shall get along favorably then.
This was a bitter sweet moment for me. While I found some vague cute humor in his concern that he may have contracted Down Syndrome, I was saddened that my very intelligent father was reduced to this vague way of thinking. I knew at some point in his life he knew better, and was saddened that he was reduced to the intellect of a child.
My father has lived a very long life. One full of love, children and lots of great memories. However, he is no stranger to loss, disappointment and heartache. He has had many opportunities in life to stretch and grow. He has never quite been the same after my mother passed 13 years ago....then followed by a brother passing 2 years later. Those events are actual events I recognized that changed him. Not necessarily for the better or worse, just changed him, as it did all of us.
Cam and Dad meet for the first time and it is as if they have been long lost friends searching the earth for each other. My father says to Cam, "You are like a bag of sugar with a little bit of spice". I got emotional to think that such love radiated from my father to my son. Such unconditional love that they accepted each other. My father accepted Cam for his disabilities and Cam accepted my father for his. Love permeated the room every moment they were together. I had been told that you can see people literally transform when they hold a baby with a disability like Cam's. I have seen it numerous times. I suppose in Cam's way he is here to shift the world, one family member at a time....I am so glad to be witness to it and marvel in his ability to do so.
We had a fabulous visit with my family. My father held Cam every chance he had. He rocked him and loved him. I could not have asked for anything more that pure love and that is what Cam got. I little bit of heaven in a home in Missouri....
Committed to being the change I want to see in the world....through the lives of my children. AMEN!
